


Fictober18 #10 "You Think this Troubles Me?"

by KaCole



Series: Voyager Fictober2018 [3]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst with a Hopeful Ending, Episode: s03e25 Worst Case Scenario, F/M, Friendship, Mentions of New Earth, Missing Scene, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-29 04:56:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16257101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaCole/pseuds/KaCole
Summary: Missing scene, set immediately following "Worst Case Scenario" in which the crew find a holodeck programme depicting a Maquis mutiny aboard Voyager, led by Chakotay and Seska.Chakotay takes the whole thing in good spirits. Kathryn is not entirely convinced he's as okay with it as he seems.





	Fictober18 #10 "You Think this Troubles Me?"

**Author's Note:**

  * For [devovere](https://archiveofourown.org/users/devovere/gifts).



> For the Fictober prompt #10 "You think this troubles me?"

“Chakotay, I must say you've taken this remarkably well.” 

He laughs, but the lines don't quite reach his eyes. He's so good at hiding his feelings. Kathryn is sure no one else noticed, but she isn't fooled by his good natured assertion about not wanting to be the bad guy next time.

He shakes his head, the smile still at the corner of his lips. “Being portrayed as the leader of a mutiny? You think this troubles me?” 

They are alone in the mess hall now but for Neelix rattling his pots and pans, after the impromptu gathering to celebrate their holodeck victory over the nasty surprise Seska left behind.

Chakotay nurses his drink. He's been holding that unfinished glass for more than an hour. She supposes today was an unpleasant reminder of Seska's duplicity and betrayal. He never spoke to her much about Seska, not privately, anyway. She imagines it's an old wound he doesn't want reopened. 

He leans forward. “I'd be lying if I said I was completely comfortable with the idea. But for the record I think you handled it perfectly. “ _Mr Tuvok, you need to lighten up”._ ” He does a passable Janeway impression and she finds it impossible to keep a straight face. 

She raises a hand. “Just between you and me, I rehearsed that. I didn't anticipate him being the originator of that holo programme, of course, but I did have a pretty good idea he'd object to the idea of leaving it running for the crew.” 

“I must admit, your decision took me a little by surprise. But, as you said, we’re a community. Everyone needs to let their hair down now and then.” 

He looks a little uneasy, as if the memory of Seska does in fact, trouble him despite his protestations.

Neelix is about to close the kitchen down. “If you will forgive me, Captain, Commander, I really need to set the tables for breakfast.

Kathryn stands up. “Of course. Forgive us. Shall we, Commander?”

He lowers his head and walks by her side. There's a sad slope to his shoulders, a tired heaviness in his step that bothers her. As they arrive at the junction where they must separate to reach their own quarters, she needs to decide what to do about it. Will he talk to someone else about this? B'Elanna maybe? One of the other former Maquis? She doubts it, somehow. He is her first officer. His sadness is her business. Sometimes old wounds fester if left untreated. 

She takes a breath. “Would you care for a nightcap, Commander?” The use of his title is quite deliberate. It positions this offer as something friendly, but not intimate. She's acutely aware of the line they almost crossed on New Earth. She doesn't want to lead him on. Or herself, come to think of it. She has a fiance waiting for her at home.  _ If _ he's still waiting.   

Chakotay looks momentarily doubtful. He puts his head on one side, and then, as if his curiosity has gotten the better of him, he smiles. “Thank you, Captain. I'd like that.”

They approach her quarters. She is inexplicably relieved they haven't passed any of the crew. 

“Computer, lights.” Kathryn experiences an odd flash of nerves as they pass the threshold, worrying she’s left her underwear loose on her chair, or her bed clothes sprawled across her bed. Not very captainly. She doesn't make a habit of asking her officers here. 

Thankfully she hasn't embarrassed herself today, and Chakotay has the good grace not to stare around the room. Of course, they shared a living space on New Earth, so they are not in entirely unfamiliar territory. She never told him how lonely those first few days back on Voyager were. She looked for him at every meal. Wanted to share the small details of her day with him. Hell, she once almost called him up to tell him about the book she was reading. She caught herself just in time, though. Thankfully.

“Have a seat,” she gestures to the sofa. “Tauran brandy?” Her hand pauses by the replicator. She doesnt know if he drinks brandy on Voyager, but they often enjoyed a nighttime glass together on New Earth. When the evenings were warm and the stars bright and they sat and listened to the sounds of the forest. God, it was a simpler time.

He is looking at her with eyes so dark she might fall into them. 

She has to stop falling.

Kathryn takes the glasses and hands one to him, sits beside him and crosses her legs. This is about him, not her. He's been through something today and he needs a listening ear.

“I'm sorry, Chakotay. Honestly, today can't have been easy for you.”

“It wasn't,” he admits. He swirls the golden liquid in his glass. He's finding it difficult to meet her eyes. Kathryn wants to make this easy for him, the way he makes things easy for her. She owes him that, regardless of her own dark feelings about Seska. He loved the woman once. For all Kathryn knows he loves her still, and that troubles her in a way she can't quite understand. 

She searches for the right words.  “Being betrayed by someone we care about is never easy to get to grips with.”

He grasps her hand, his face struck with horror. “Kathryn! I would  _ never _ betray you.” 

She blinks in shock. “I didn't think you would. I thought your feelings for Seska were bothering you...”

“Seska? I don't  _ have _ any feelings for Seska. What's bothering me, Kathryn, is how you must feel about this public fantasy that I could betray you!” 

They stare at one another. Her heart rate spikes at his passionate outburst.

She regains control of her reactions, takes his hand in both of hers and leaned forward. “Chakotay, I don't have the slightest doubt of your loyalty. No holodeck programme could make me think you’d betray me.”  

He relaxes a little. “And I don't care about Seska. None of that is important to me now. All that matters is what I have here.” 

Kathryn laughs. “Oh, Chakotay. We've both been labouring under misapprehensions.”

She brings her hand upwards and threads her fingers through his, just like she did that night on New Earth. 

This time his smile goes all the way to his eyes. “Let's forget Seska and mutinies, and just concentrate on being friends, shall we? I've missed the evenings we used to spend together.” 

“Me too.” She squeezes his hand before she lets it go. They are a community. They need each other. She and Chakotay need one another too. Perhaps more than she realises. “All right. Once a week, dinner together. Here. Starting tomorrow. How does that sound?” 

“Are you threatening to cook for me?”

“Certainly not. I'm prepared to sacrifice replicator rations for you, though.”

“Fair enough.” He smiles. “Strange as it seems to say, perhaps Seska did us a favour.” 

Kathryn snorts in disapproval. “I wouldn't go that far.”

His eyes roam the room for a moment, and she wonders what it would take to ruffle his calm exterior more often. His eyes skirt the picture of Mark and her dog, before darting back to the drink in his own hand. 

Kathryn can't seem to drag her eyes away from him.

Chakotay finishes his drink and then stands up. His voice is soft again. “I'll see you tomorrow. And thank you.”

“What for?”

“For making me part of your crew. For your trust. And most of all for your friendship.”

He pecks her cheek lightly and then he’s gone. 

She remains in her chair for few seconds and then brings her hand up to her cheek. “To friendship, then,” she says, liking the way the words taste on her tongue. 

All they have out here is each other. She mustn't lose sight of the man under the uniform. He’s still there, the craftsman who made her a bath in the forest of New Earth. The man who cooked dinner for her every night and who she drank Tauran brandy with under the stars. They need each other now, more than ever.

Perhaps they do have something to thank Seska for after all.  

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm having waaay to much fun with these prompts!


End file.
